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Jeff Strand_9 Titles (Horror; Humour) EPUB

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Description

 							
  
  At any given
moment, the human body contains millions of parasites.
  
  This is the story of just one.
  
  A
really, really nasty one.
  
  Benjamin Wilson was having a lousy month even before the stomach pains began.
He was about to turn forty. One of his students had been shot while on a homicidal meat cleaver rampage. And shortly
after the funeral, Benjamin didn't feel so good...
  
  Now everything is changing. His body is being affected
in some very unpleasant ways. His personality is developing a few "quirks." But the biggest change is that he has a
bunch of evil and/or psychotic people trying to hunt him down to acquire the parasite. His only hope is Julie, a
gorgeous bounty hunter who may or may not have Benjamin's best interests in mind, and who may or may not be competent
enough to help him anyway.
  
  Jeff Strand, author of The Sinister Mr. Corpse, Gleefully Macabre Tales, and
Pressure, delivers his most outrageous adventure yet-an over-the-top mix of gruesome body horror and a wacky road trip
comedy.
  
  You'll laugh until your intestines scramble.
  
  
  
  From the author of Pressure, Dweller, and Wolf
Hunt comes a new 90,000-word short story collection featuring twenty-nine stories and original cover artwork by Alex
McVey. The stories within this collection range from hilarious to downright disturbing, proving that Jeff Strand is
still a master of comedic horror. Seven of the stories ("Pett Semmuteary" "Dummy" "True Hero" "Fangboy and the Troll"
"Stop Stabbing Me" "Pregnancy Test" and "Push the Button”) have never been published and were written just for
this book.
  
  Contains interior illustrations by artist Alex McVey.
  
  A man who finds a severed
nose on a plate on his dining room table. A bell that can summon Satan (maybe). Casual Fridays at work that get out of
control. A cheery outlook on the post-apocalyptic landscape. The final thoughts of a doomed skydiver. A girl punished by
having to share a bed with her grandmother’s corpse. Revenge via baking a tarantula into a cake. A romance
between two carnivorous genetically enhanced plants. And the lost tale of Fangboy.
  
  These are only a few
of the demented stories in DEAD CLOWN BARBECUE, a collection of twenty-nine gleefully macabre tales, seven of which were
written just for this collection. There’s even a brand new one about a ventriloquist dummy. Those things creep
you out, right? You’ll laugh. You’ll scream. Okay...you probably won’t actually scream, unless you
already had issues before you started reading, but you might cringe and get a little spooked.
  
  “No
author working today comes close to Jeff Strand’s perfect mixture of comedy and terror.” - Cemetery
Dance
  
  
  
 
When Toby Floren was eight years old, he discovered a monster living in the woods behind his house. A ghastly,
frightening creature with claws, fangs, and a taste for human flesh. As he ran out of the forest, Toby felt that he'd
been lucky to escape with his life.
  
  Years later, Toby finds comfort with the creature. It's his own
special secret--something that nobody else in the world knows about. Somebody to talk to. Somebody to confide in. Sure,
Toby has concerns about his own sanity, but really, what boy wouldn't want to be best friends with a monster in the
woods, especially if he's being tormented by bullies? The creature, who he names Owen, may be the answer to his
problems...
  
  From Jeff Strand, the author of PRESSURE, comes the story of a macabre, decades-long
friendship. A relationship that will last their entire lives, through times of happiness, tragedy, love, loss, madness,
and complete darkness.
  
  DWELLER. The lifetime story of a boy and his monster.
  
  Review
 

  "Hands down my favorite book of the year." --Fear Zone
  
  
  
  Greg has just killed the man he hired to kill
one of his wife’s many lovers. He’s now got a dead body in his office.
  
  Carlton,
Greg’s brother, desperately needs a dead body. It’s kind of related to the lion corpse that he found in
his basement.
  
  This is the normal part of the story.
  
  From Jeff Strand, the author of
Benjamin’s Parasite, The Sinister Mr. Corpse, and Fangboy, comes a tale that’s weird even by his
standards.
  
  Facial. It’s not about what you’re thinking. Well, okay, part of it is...
 

  
  
  Nathan Pepper
seemed like an ordinary baby...except for a mouth full of scary sharp teeth. Because his life began with his grandmother
strongly recommending that he be destroyed as soon as possible, it's safe to say that Nathan was not destined for a
typical existence.
  
  He hated the nickname "Fangboy," but nobody could deny that he was the most
frightening little boy in town. And he would have adventures of every sort. Tragic adventures, like what happened to his
parents. Dangerous adventures, like his encounter with the sinister Professor Mongrel. Thrilling adventures, like the
part where he's on an out-of-control horse and he can't make it stop running and you think "Well, he should just jump
off," but he CAN'T because it's going too fast and he could break a leg. And, yes, one particularly gruesome adventure,
though it is not described in great detail.
  
  Will things end happily for Nathan? Will he bite somebody?
Gather your family and your most deranged friends, make some...
  
  
  
  From the creative genius who would have brought
you Hamlet, The Scarlet Letter, and a less-boring Moby Dick (if he'd been born on time) comes this outrageous comic
fantasy. It's a tale filled with so much adventure, so much excitement, so much vocabulary, that all who read it will
suffer a fit of giddiness that will freak out everyone in their general vicinity. It's the saga of Randall, a squire
assigned to escort the lovely Princess Janice on a diplomatic journey of utmost importance. Then she gets killed. Now
Randall must overcome desperate odds and ridiculous dangers in his quest to bring her back to life...before the entire
Generic Fantasy Land falls into the evil clutches of The Dark One! Packed to the bursting point with unrestrained
silliness (so be sure to hold it a safe distance from your face when reading), How to Rescue a Dead Princess is the
novel all the really cool people are reading this year, an epic fantasy for your family to cherish approximately
forever.
  
  
  
  “Marvelously creepy reading…the horror in this tale of twisted friendship is relentless.”
—Publishers Weekly
  
  Alex stared at the red pocketknife shown to him by his daughter. A pocketknife
owned by somebody he hadn't seen in years…
  
  CHILDREN
  
  They met first in boarding
school at age twelve. Alex Fletcher, shy and scared. Darren Rust, always furiously scribbling away in a private journal.
It was not an immediate friendship, but then one night Darren convinced his roommate to sneak off school grounds to see
something glorious. There was a sleazy strip club, you see, and every once in a while the back door opened just long
enough to maybe catch a quick glimpse…
  
  Though a bond was formed from their pre-pubescent interest
in naked women, Darren had another interest. A morbid curiosity about death. A curiosity that turned into something much
more sinister.
  
  FRIENDS
  
  They crossed paths again in college and became the best of friends.
But Darren wasn't just looking for a friend. He had dark, ghastly urges squirming around in his head, and he believed he
saw the same things—the urge to hurt, the urge to kill—in Alex. He was looking for somebody who
understood. A partner.
  
  But Alex could never become a monster. Not even when Darren tried to bring out his
friend's most deeply buried feelings of rage. Not even when Darren tried to show him the euphoria of having that much
power over another human being. It just couldn't happen…right?
  
  ENEMIES
  
  Now Alex has
a wife and a daughter. And Darren is back. He's hiding. He's patient. His mind is twisted in the worst possible way.
  
  And he's seeking a soul mate.
  
  
  
  Two thugs. One innocent woman. And one VICIOUS
frickin' werewolf.
  
  Meet George and Lou, thugs for hire. The kind of intimidating-yet-friendly guys who
will break your thumbs, but be polite about it.
  
  Their latest assignment is to drive across Florida to
deliver some precious cargo to a crime lord. The cargo: a man in a cage. Though Ivan seems perfectly human,
they’re warned that he is, in fact, a bloodthirsty werewolf.
  
  George and Lou don’t believe
in the supernatural, but even if they did, it’s daytime and tonight isn’t the full moon. Their
instructions are straightforward: Do not open the cage. Do not reach into the cage. Do not throw anything into the cage.
And they don't.
  
  Unfortunately, Ivan doesn’t play by the usual werewolf rules, and the thugs find
themselves suddenly responsible for a ferocious escaped beast. One who can transform at will. One who enjoys killing in
human form as much as he enjoys killing as a monster.
  
  If George and Lou want to save their careers,
dozens of people, and their own lives, they need to recapture him. Because Ivan the werewolf is in the mood for a murder
spree…
  
  From Jeff Strand, the three-time Bram Stoker Award nominated author of PRESSURE, comes
75,000 words of action-packed, blood-soaked werewolf terror!  						

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